Thursday, February 28, 2008

The One Story

This story has been told before, and it will be told again. It is my pulse check of story telling ability and my testimony to chaos or fate. This is the story of the night that changed my life and how little really happened. Intentions, actions, decisions all could have destroyed this series of events and I brought none of them to the table. I tell this story because of love and I tell this story because of hope.

I could start at the beginning but that would be cliche. It is now the end of winter 2008 and I am without my wife. She has gone off to see the world and to help the ill. She will be back and I will continue to love her. We have known each other for almost five years now and knowing each other was all it took.

Five years ago, I went on the road and into the wild as the literate might say. I took my liberty and set off for Savannah, Georgia in the spring of 2003. A year after college and a little too much time in Tulsa, I was ready for my future. I had been thinking about the Tao belief that there is a "way" that we should be following and I knew I was not on it. Maybe random luck or just doing what I wanted would help me find the "way". I took three days journey to Savannah, because if Easy Rider taught us anything, it was that all great American road trips should go to Mardi Gras.

Fade out and flash to a sunset wedding off the coast of Tybee Island. It was only right that we get married here. It was during the endless summer nights that we learned to trust each other, to sit quietly with each other, to smile at each other, and to listen to the world around each other. Without that beach we would have been busy, we would have been active, we would have just been friends who might like each other. The beach gave us time and two years after those nights we walked a sandy aisle on that sub-tropical isle.


In truth, it really was out of my hands, but it was out of hers too. We maybe left a little too much of our life up to our friends, but they seemed to be having such a good time, and we both truly love our friends having a good time. I was going to sit the festivities out that night. I had a long weekend playing some ultimate with a random coed team. My good friend was leaving Georgia and I just wanted to be with her to say good bye. Sure they were going to call. How could they not notice that we weren't there? I really was just going to relax. There is one great weakness to all wanderers out in the world and it was accidentally put before me. I had no money and barely had a job. What if someone called and offered me a free burrito? What if I told you I had never had a burrito before and didn't think I would even like it? What if the girl asking was such a sweetheart that I could never turn her down and wanderers have to eat? What if none of the girls in this paragraph were the girl I was destined to marry? So I accepted the offer and went to dinner. Fashionably late of course.

I've never been one for social interaction. Not that I don't like people. It is quite the opposite. I love people and I would hate to upset people. I would hate to have them think less of me. I would hate to find out that I might not like them. I have worried about being around new people since childhood. I always feared being teased, never wanted to look dumb, always tried not to be noticed, and often failed at all of these. I was self conscious and am still to this day, but I will strive to grow stronger as I ramble through life. So how could I ever make new friends, meet a girl, meet a girl and make her my friend? In all my attempts, the most successful path normally involves them not liking me for a long period of time and after enough exposure they get to see that I'm a sweetheart, who has no clue what he is doing a lot of the time.

I show up to team dinner and I am immediately assaulted with questions of my eye color. BLUE. I have a standing policy that if someone asks me a question I will answer without questioning the cause of the question. It is a part of me trying to force myself to be a more open honest person. So yes I have blue eyes and some would say if I put enough hair dye in, I have beautiful blond hair, but none of this matters or at least it shouldn't. But I guess it does.

There was one time in my youth when my aunt came to the door and asked if I was ready to go. This must have been during the summer while my parents were at work. I remember so vividly not having any clue what I was supposed to be ready for. I knew that by the looks of what I was wearing she thought I might be ready. So I ran upstairs and put on my bathing suit, because she had a pool at her house, and I then put my other clothes on over it. This way I looked just as ready as I was before and she wouldn't ask why I changed. I was horrified about asking where we were going and what was going on and I just went along for the ride. I like just going along for the ride when I am in doubt. We ended up at the dentist and that was no fun. Then I was taken home.

Let's just say that this ride went a little smoother. People immediately started hollering that I was a perfect match for Ginny, well she seemed like a nice girl. A little quite and just as uncomfortable with this game as me. It seemed that we were supposed to sit next to each other and put on a show for the fans, but I was not going to play this silly game for this crowd. I grabbed an open chair somewhere else and started in on my free burrito. The conversations finally reveals the cause of the blue eyed question.

Moments before my arrival at the restaurant, Rachel the aforementioned nice girl with the aforementioned free burrito was being grilled on the topic of her availability in the dating world by one or two or a half dozen margarita drinking friends. They seemed to think she would be a perfect match for there short Asian friend, Swirve. In a moment of quick thinking Rachel deemed that only tall dark and handsome men were acceptable to her, AKA her friend Jaime. Oh well, crises averted. Except now the attention is drawn toward the girl called Ginny. Why wouldn't she go out with Swirve? What could her response be? Of course she would only be attracted to a blond hair blue eyed boy, AKA her friend Aaron.

Now I know you might be wondering who is this Ginny character that seems like it should be Jenny. Well that's what I wanted to know. Sure I met Ginny. I talked to her. I even gave her a back massage, but then one day after pick-up ultimate I finally got her phone number. Except there was no Ginny on the list. Yes, there was a Jenny and I am madly in love with her today, but back then I didn't even know her name. It came to me in a moment of panic that I had misinterpreted my southern dialect. You see they can't decipher between "in" and "en". This is why they will always ask for an "ink pen" or a "push pin". So now my Ginny had become my Jenny and will always be my Jenny til the day I die a happy man.

With a couple seats between us and a burrito in my belly, things are looking up for falling into the background. Until I get so comfortable that I stand up and leave the table to take care of some personal needs. Oh those pranksters. But of course, I come back to find the only open chair next to the beautiful new girl in my life, who clearly only likes blue eyed boys. So I sit and chat. I play into their game because I do really like people. I just want to fit in, and when they ask me to flirt more, I even offer to give her a back massage. A rare aside in this story, but I think fidgety people give better massages because they want to move their hands all the time anyway.

Nothing can really come from heckled forced flirtation. It takes one-on-one time, and that was not in the cards. I wasn't looking for a girlfriend. I was only in town for a couple months. I just wanted to have fun and would never toy with a girl's emotions like that. Sure I would like to have a girlfriend. Of course, I wanted to be close to someone, but that was not going to happen. I just sometimes wonder... If it's raining on Tybee Island does that mean practice is canceled 20 minutes away in Savannah? She did give me her number. Oh and if that practice is canceled, we might as well do something together. If she shows up after a spring shower and is bundled up in a warm blue hoody, what other choice do have but to let my heart skip a beat.

So the dinner ends and we head off to the bar for some more excitement. In the overcrowded over amplified bar scene the two of us can just blend back into our own world of people watching. Sure there was still some sideline support egging us on and sideways glances with little smirks from the bystanders, but nothing to really bring us together. Except for muppets.

Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD) is a place where young artistic souls are set free amongst a historical city. Now if you were to be a talented performer and maybe had some skills of craftsmanship, what trouble would you cause? Hypothetically, would you make some muppets, take them to the bar, give them some beers, and then have them play a couple games of pool?

Jenny and I are children. Not in the derogatory term that is used to belittle intelligence and behavior; in the kind way of open souls looking for things to love. We can't help but to find children and talk to them, play with them, teach them, love them. We identify with a child's point of view of life and that is something that can bring people together, like muppets.

Two people getting to know each other for the first time come across muppets interacting with adults and they want the whole room to know, but so few care. This makes it even more special to be with those that do care. Yes this made her special to me.

Over the next two months, we laughed, played, talked, hugged, kissed, and fell in love. What was temporary became permanent. What was random became fate. I found the "way" and have been following it ever since.

Jenny I love you and will never forget our story as it grows with each passing day.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Hands in my Pockets



I found myself walking down a hall all alone today with my hands in my pockets. Sometimes it’s nice to keep your fingers warm and toasty. Sometimes it’s just nice to not have your arms swinging all over the place. Sometimes it’s just fun to see what junk you’ve been putting in your pocket. As I walked, I had a flash of a memory…

I was in 6th grade and I hade just gone to the bathroom and I was walking back to my class room. Some adult, most likely a teacher, saw me walking . She was not at all concerned that I might be skipping class but was honestly interested in why I would choose to be using my pockets for the purpose of hiding my hands. I was abruptly asked why I had my hands in my pockets as if I was some scandalous trouble maker. I deftly replied with an utterly confused “nothing” and went back to my class. To this day I will never understand what kind of trouble I must have been causing there with my hands in my pockets.
(fade to Alanis Morrisette “Hand in My Pocket”)

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Wrath of Winter League

So every year I amazed by how well I can under achieve at winter league. Now I'm not talking about compared to how good an ultimate player could be, but compared to how good I can be on average. There have been days where I keep losing the disc in the white ceiling, days where the hard ground feels jarring to me, and days where the dry air makes me feel like I might just want to pass out, which is roughly where tonight falls. This isn't my excuse. My best excuse would be that I'm just there for fun and it isn't really all that important if we win by a lot or that we win by a little. I do not like losing.

Tonight we won. Tonight I got hand blocked twice and I got foot blocked once. I threw a couple incomplete passes and I probably got more D's than the number of turnovers I caused. It's all just ridiculous to me. I would much rather be useless than to play well and play bad.

So I might come up with excuses for things.....Interupt this story to also mention I dropped a disc on a new born baby's head... but really I think I'll be quite a bit more happy if I just go to winter league and try and kill the other team. It's my nature to try and win. I need to care about a game to not embarrass myself.

I will give my team credit for never holding my mistakes against me, and letting me play how I choose to play. I wish I could look at the team's goal of winning as the most important factor, but I guess I'm kind of ego-centric when it comes to sports and I expect more from myself than I would expect from the team.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

kids, cookies, & puppies

I was driving back from Sunday pick-up today and I was happy. I don't know why this would be so important, except so many people are not. It's not that I don't have reasons to be miserable. It all just came clear to me when I got a slightly ridiculous parking ticket last night. I saw it this morning and I just didn't care about it. I know many people would go bouncing off the walls if they got a ticket for parking in an area that they can't park in overnight and is not posted. I'll try and take care of it, but it's not something that is going to make me mad. I'm also not all that excited about my job and over half the people in the department have quit in the past 6 months, but I am still doing honest good work to make a living wage. My wife is thousands of miles away and I won't see her for a month, but I have someone in my life for the rest of my life who I can and will always be completely in love with. My dog likes to try and bite other dogs, but she has been behaving so much better lately. I go years without seeing some of my closest friends, but I have managed to keep them close friends. It feels like -30 outside, but I don't even need a coat after playing ultimate for a couple hours.

I don't think it's a glass half full or half empty kinda thing. I think it's a " I have glass this is magnificent and it looks like there is something in it. I wonder what could be in this awe inspiring glass I have." None of this is new to me. I have been very content for many years with life in general. I just like when I realize how special and important that is. I really couldn't be this way without all my friends, family, Skidaway, Jenny, and my childish joy in life. So thanks.

"my nephew making cookies with me"

So I finished my drive home to find my nice sunny warm apartment with happy little dog smiling at me. I turned on some music, lied down, and took a nap.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Fate + Destiny + Jimmy = Chaos

I don't know where I will go with this one. Some information and specifics have been left out to protect the possibly innocent. What is known is that March 20, 2008 is "match day" for Jenny's med school class. This is the draft for doctors to-be. On this day we will sit in a big room and open an envelope that tells us our destiny in big bold letters most likely written in Helvetica font. In short, the wick will be lit and this little bottle rocket is going zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz boom and where we land nobody knows.

Let me get you caught up to my present location.

TIMELINE
1979-1985: Lived in New York.
1985-1993: Lived in New Jersey.
1994-1995: Lived in Florida.
1995-1998: Lived in Oklahoma.
1998-2002: Went to Purdue. Learned some stuff and had some fun. Played some ultimate frisbee.
2002: Graduated
somehow. Ran away to Colorado to tempt disaster for a summer. Headed back to Tulsa to figure out what to do with life.
2003: Ran away to Georgia to have some fun. Fell in love. Ran away to Europe because it was there.
2003-2004: Working in Oklahoma not with my Jenny
2005-present: Working and playing with Jenny in Minneapolis, MN

So let's say I've been around the block and am overwhelmingly excited about what the fates have in store for me and my family (Jenny and Skidaway).

I have always loved change and adventure. I hope to love this one too. I'll go into more depth about this after match day. This was just a preemptive post.

I am also extremely proud of Jenny for having made it through this whole med school process.